Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
