Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
