please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
