She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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