I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
