How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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