Christians are straight up FREAKS
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
