The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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