I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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