I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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