Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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