i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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