i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
