Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize