Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
