Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
