How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
