Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
