Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
