Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
