I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
