I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
