When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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