We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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