Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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