he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
