sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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