i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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