I faked an abortion last night.
Do vagina's smell?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
