I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i now understand why vodka
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
