Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
