Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
