Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
