I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize