Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
nutella sex= disaster
it's like iHOP with fire
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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