how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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