i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
