i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
last night I used snow as a chaser
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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