oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
