I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It's not a walk of shame if you run
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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