since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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