Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
