if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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