I can tuck mytits in my pants
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
