with your own penis?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
