It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
