i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
