dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize