Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
