So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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