i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
