make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
