when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
