i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
