grandma shit on top of the toilet
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
