I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
