You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
