I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Its about making memories worth repressing
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
