So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
