Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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