Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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