Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize