Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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