I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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