there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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