So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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