I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
