i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I love how my cats smell like pot.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club š
At least Iām an āessential employeeā and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesnāt ask why Iām essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize