i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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