Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
