help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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