Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
