There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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