she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
